This post is for the woman living in fear of a husband who abuses her, who hides this from everyone because he is a 'well respected' member of his community and no-one would believe her; a woman who suffers more than anyone should ever suffer without community to support her.
This post is for a man with mental health issues who lives in perpetual suffering in his head; who fears reaching out because 'men just don't do that'. Even if he did reach out, the methods of 'care' are sadly lacking because of our deep ties to the pharmaceutical industry and our inability to find better options. Options that may be more available if we, as a society, had just learned how to question, how to look deeply and confront wrongs and find better answers.
This post is for the sexual abuse survivor who tells small parts of her community her story, only to be shunned, ignored and sometimes even ostracized; a survivor who learns that hiding is better because that's the message society gives her. This survivor loses key supports by isolating and those who 'know' are often left to carry a heavy burden themselves, without community, without communication; sickening whole communities of people.
This post of for the gay teenager living in a small religious community, who hides a major part of who he is for fear of ostracism and sometimes worse; a teenager who may become addicted to alcohol or drugs or even kill himself because the price of hiding is just too great.
This post is for the person who grieves the loss of a close loved on in secret because our culture puts a 'timeline' on grief and looks down on long term expressions of grief ; a person suffering in silence instead of sharing a load that may be made lighter just by the sharing of it.
This post is for countless others who hide parts of themselves, who hide parts of their stories, because there is no support out there for them; who, when they do share their stories, are often ignored or diminished in sometimes deeply wounding ways.
We are as sick as the secrets we keep, the shame that we hold on to and are terrified to share and release. This shame isolates all of us and teaches us to shut our hearts down in the face of pain. It separates us from other people; diminishing our sense of community by closing all of us down to the pain and trauma that is merely a part of human experience.
We learn from this culture that some things must be hidden. Our deep hurts, our grief, our traumas, our addictions, our illnesses all must be hidden away. We are taught to 'hide' and 'move on'. Our children are taught that tough situations must be hidden, that its better not to talk about major trauma. This hiding and suppression is deadly to both children and adults alike. Those of us that refuse to hide are often ostracized. Hiding our trauma often leads to addiction, physical and mental health issues. The traumas that happen to one person often affect entire communities with a dark and dysfunctional weight, a legacy of shame and pain.
We cannot afford to keep hiding. Our children deserve so much more than the society that they are born into. They deserve communities of support where they can express things that torment them without fear and surrounded by love. Without expression of our deep sadness and trauma, we can never experience real joy. All of us deserve a place where we can be open about trauma, where it is not a 'dirty little secret' that we carry around while it silently kills us. We can no longer run from those things that make us uncomfortable. Those who are suffering deserve so much more than silence and avoidance. We all deserve so much more.
